


Touch Starved

by GrimSylphie



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Booker Whump, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Medical Procedures, Starvation, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25739233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimSylphie/pseuds/GrimSylphie
Summary: It’s when they rescue him that they realize just how big of a mistake it was to leave him alone. In that moment all anger and betrayal was forgotten because despite thousands of years between them, none of them considered the toll separation would take on Booker’s already fragile mental state.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache & Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Joe | Yusuf al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 14
Kudos: 355





	Touch Starved

**Author's Note:**

> Listen. This is self indulgent Booker whump. This takes a slightly illogical extreme of how Booker’s depression and immortality could land him in state he couldn’t easily recover from. 
> 
> Are there medical inaccuracies? Probably. I tried to do some due diligence but I’ll be honest I didn’t do a ton.
> 
> Does the team need a therapist? Absolutely. I don’t see immortals with hundreds of years behind them jumping on board the therapy train so easily however, despite living outside of society to some extent I think they may still have outdated beliefs when it comes to getting help. Fortunately they have Nile.

It’s when they rescue him that they realize just how big of a mistake it was to leave him alone. In that moment all anger and betrayal was forgotten because despite thousands of years between them, none of them considered the toll separation would take on Booker’s already fragile mental state.

It starts like this. Eleven months after they separate at The Prospect of Whitby the team receives a call from Copley that Booker didn’t answer for his scheduled check in. While that in itself wasn’t strange; as Copley admitted Booker would miss check-in only to return the call the next morning before he hit the liquor store to get blackout drunk once more. It was unusual in that Booker hadn’t returned any calls in the past week. He also hadn’t been seen on any CCTV footage since returning to his rundown apartment two and a half weeks earlier.

The whole reason the team had set up the check-ins was in case anyone survived and planned to continue Merrick’s work so the fact that Booker went missing without a trace was not a comforting thought. 

Nile, who felt the whole punishment was too harsh to begin with, volunteered to check his apartment in the unlikely case he somehow managed to die a final death of alcohol poisoning at less than three hundred years of age. 

For a team of people who claimed they had no desire to see Booker for a century they all objected pretty quickly and demanded it be a family outing. Nile thought at first it might be just because they didn’t trust she could hold her own yet but she saw the fear in Joe’s eyes and a nervous energy uncharacteristic of Nicky and she knew they were just as concerned about Booker as she was, if not more.

As they drove through the night towards Paris, Nicky and Joe passed out in the back she brought up the issue to Andy. “If you are all worried for him, why did you abandon him for so long.”

Andy’s hands clenched the wheel. “Booker is young, as are you. He felt he couldn’t speak to us, that we wouldn’t want to help him. He failed to trust us, and in doing so we lost our trust in him. We needed some time alone. To cool off, for him to understand what being alone meant. For him to learn how to live without us, so that he could live with us.”

Nile let out a derisive sound. “No offense Andy, but you can’t help someone with depression by isolating them more. He already felt alone among you guys, you’re only proving his point.”

Andy didn’t show any emotion in response to Nile’s comments. “You think so? Tell me then, how would you have handled it? Continued on pretending our relationship wasn’t damaged until we killed each other or fucked up on a mission because we couldn’t trust one another?”

Nile shook her head emphatically. “No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I spent three days with the guy and I can tell you he was in no state to go on a mission. That man needs some therapy. Or like, a pet. He needs to know he matters to someone or something.” 

This time Andy let out a derisive noise. “Come on Nile, you really believe that therapy nonsense? I’ve lived for thousands of years and I’ve never discovered a problem that couldn’t be solved by working through it in battle.”

Nile shook her head. “You also never discovered how to use the internet. The world changes. It’s not one on one battles or even armies against armies. Battles now are far deadlier and far more traumatic and more importantly, not everything has to be a battle. People discovered that by talking about their feelings and working through it they could fix a lot more shit with a lot less damage. That’s not even including the medicines offered now.”

“And you think therapy can help Booker?” Andy seemed unconvinced, but perhaps she just wanted to end of the conversation. 

“Yeah. Or at least it will help a hell of a lot more than isolation and alcohol.” Nile replies with confidence.

That seemed to end the discussion and neither knew what to say next. They finished the last few hours of the drive in silence. 

By the time they pull up to Booker’s rundown flat on the outskirts of Paris it’s five am and the sun is beginning to rise. When Andy parks the car Nicky and Joe stir, uncurling from each other and joining the women when they get out. Nile breathes in the cool morning air. There was something fascinating about cities at this time of morning, after the nightlife has retired and before the hustle and bustle of the day begins.

Andy leads them into a dilapidated building that looked like it should be condemned. As they walked up the wood stairs they creaked and buckled a bit, each threatening to give way under the influx of footsteps. By the time they reached the door they could faintly smell spilled alcohol and rotting food. Andy checked the door and found it open. She kicked it wide open so any booby trap would activate before their entrance. Nothing happened though.

They followed Andy, weapons at the ready as they searched the apartment. Nicky and Joe headed towards what Nile assumed was the bathroom and bedroom. Nile followed Andy until she peeled off into the kitchen leaving Nile with the main living area. 

Nile could smell the stench of rotting food coming from the kitchen but it seemed like most of the booze scent came from here, there were several bottles knocked over and even more broken strewn about like depressing decor amongst a ratty couch and the stacks of books used as end tables. “Living room, clear!” She called but her voice was drowned out by Joe’s exclamation of “We found him.”

Andy and Nile moves quickly, heading towards the bedroom and bathroom in search of Joe, Nicky, and Booker. “He’s in a bad way.” Nicky called just as they entered the room but it was too late, Andy and Nile could already see the state Booker was in.

The bedroom was a mess. It looked much like the living room with books and booze scattered everywhere. Booker’s beaten old laptop sat on one pile, a thin layer of dust covering it. Booker’s bed was a simple mattress laid on the floor with pillows and sheets piled on top. In bed though, in bed was a sight Nile didn’t think she could ever forget no matter how long she lived.

Joe sat on the bed, Booker held unresponsive up against Joe’s chest. He was shirtless, and it was only through shallow stuttering breaths that Nile could even tell he was still alive. He looked emaciated. He was thinner than anyone she had seen in real life. He looked like a survivor from some war torn country or a newly rescued prisoner or war. Nile thought she might be able to wrap her hands most of the way around his waist he was so thin. His skin was pallid and gray. His hair was longer than she remembered but it was dull and patchy, it looked as if it had started to fall out. 

Nicky was working quickly, opening the med bag they carried (intended for patching up Andy) and pulling out a bag of fluids. He then pulled one of Booker’s arms over to the edge of bed and began attempting to put an IV in. Nile had learned over the past year that Nicky was the team medic, although all of them had some training. Joe said it was because Nicky couldn’t stand to see suffering, something about his empathetic heart and beautiful soul. Whatever the reason Nile was glad for it, now. 

It took Nicky a few minutes to locate a suitable vein and during that time Andy inspected the rest of the room. “No signs of a struggle.” She said, more to herself than anyone else. 

“We found him like this, boss. He hasn’t move from here in a while. He had bed sores when I pulled him up. They seem to be healing a bit, but it’s slow. His body doesn’t have the energy to repair itself right now.” Joe explained, lifting Booker’s other arm to show the red and bloody sore along the length of his upper arm. Sure enough it was starting to knit itself together but slowly. 

Nicky spoke next. He had managed to get the IV in and was holding the bag up for better flow. He’s dehydrated and malnourished. I don’t think he’s died yet from it. If he had he might have had a better chance of healing while his body was shut down to repair itself.” 

Nile cringed. “Has this happened before?” 

Andy shook her head. “Not like this but we’ve all died of dehydration or starvation and one point or another.” Andy looked the team over once more. “I don’t want to stick around this shithole. Is it safe to move him?” 

They all looked down at Booker. Nicky checked his pulse once more before nodding. “Yes. He won’t be able to stand even if he wakes so we’ll have to carry him. We’ll also need fluids and the equipment to install and use a feeding tube, at least until he can eat on his own.” 

“We’ll call Copley. I don’t want to go too far but we need space if we’re going to be doing this.” Andy replied.

“We’ll use the house in Auray.” Joe said with finality.

“Yes. It has the most room of our houses in France and we were there recently, it is up to modern standards.” Nicky replied. 

Andy nodded and Joe took that as a sign to get started. He lifted Booker, careful to take the sheet to preserve his dignity, since they all got a glimpse of how his undergarments hung off his emaciated frame. Nicky followed behind carrying Joe’s pack and his own while holding up the bag of fluids. 

Andy stepped out in the hallway first to prepare the SUV they were currently using an likely changing the seating configuration so they could lay Booker in the back. 

Nile was left alone in the dark room, the smell of old booze and drying blood clinging to her nose. She grabbed Booker’s laptop and charger and ran to the living room to get a blanket that hadn’t looked nearly as dirty as the one left on the bed before rushing out to meet the team by the car.

She found they had placed down the bench seats and Nicky and Joe were piled in the back with Booker laid down as best they were able given his long limbs. Nicky had managed to hook the IV bag over the handholds built into the doors while Joe seemed to be checking his pulse. 

Nile flung the blanket into the back with them without a word as she jumped into the passenger seat. No words were really needed. It was cool out, Booker was just skin and bones, and he was wrapped in only a sheet. Nicky took it with a grateful “Grazie” and laid it over Booker. 

Andy hopped in the drivers seat and began the nearly five hour drive to Auray.

They were only an hour in when Nile couldn’t contain herself any longer. “What do you think happened to him?” She asked, concerned that she could be in this position one day. 

For a minute or two it seemed like no one would answer before Andy finally spoke up. “There were no signs of a struggle. No one was holding him there.” 

Nile’s eyes widened. She didn’t like where this was going but she had said it herself. Booker was depressed but he couldn’t have possibly done this to himself.

Joe spoke up his voice echoing Nile’s thoughts. “He forgets to eat sometimes. Especially when he is in some sort of a rut but never for more than a day or two.” Joe sounded regretful, it made Nile wonder if he could be rethinking Booker’s sentence. 

Nicky chimed in quietly. “Sebastien has always been prone to melancholy since the loss of his children but he knows more than most the dangers of a death like this.” 

Nile turned back to look at Nicky and Joe only to find Nicky was placing another bag of fluids up in place of the first. “What do you mean a death like this?” She asked with some dread.

“Some deaths are harder to recover from.” Joe explained. “A stab wound or a bullet is simple, it happened and now it’s over and you can heal. Starvation isn’t like that.”

“Starvation, exposure to the elements, even things like hanging are hard to escape from because when you die, your body will heal but if you haven’t removed yourself from that situation you won’t easily recover.” Andy explained. “If Booker dies of starvation he will return but he’ll only have so much energy that without sustenance he’s likely to die again. It’s the same with the cold or the heat. Unless you remove yourself from the environment it will just happen again.”

“That’s awful.” Nile replied without emotion. There was too much to unpack there and she would have to save that for a later date. “Why would Booker know these dangers better than the rest of you?”

“Booker was killed by hanging. It took days before he got the energy to find his way down. He only found it after eating a live bird.” Nicky answered this time. 

“Gross.” Nile intoned.

“Very much so.” Joe agreed. “Once he got down he was left with another challenge. How to get back to France from the middle of cold and frozen Russia with only the clothes on his back. He died like eight times before we found him.”

“Six, Joe.” Came a weak voice in heavier than usual accent. 

Joe seemed somewhat started that Booker had revived but before he could say anything Nicky took over. “Sebastien. You are in rough shape. I’m giving you fluids but you won’t be able to hold down anything solid yet. Do you want me to sedate you so you can heal up a bit, at least until I get some food so you can start to heal in earnest.”

Booker’s eyes were unfocused. He seemed to be trying to remember what events led him to the back of an SUV in Joe and Nicky’s arms. The effort was almost too much. “Oui, Nicky.” Booker replied in a tone of utter exhaustion. Nicky acted quickly, preparing a syringe and and adding it to the fluids he was already receiving. Normally he would have needed a stronger dose given how fast they healed but in this state he wouldn’t heal quickly.

Andy seemed to pick up speed now and they completed the drive an hour earlier than expected. The house was ancient, as most of their homes were, it was nestled amongst other colorful houses of varying sizes along the water with nary a space between them. 

Andy hopped out the front seat and headed towards the house calling out “Key in the same spot?” To Nicky and Joe. 

“Yes.” They shouted it unison as they began unloading Booker from the care.

Nile grabbed the extra bags and shut the door behind her, watching as Andy scaled the front of the building to grab a key out of a loose brick on the second floor. Andy replaced the brick and jumped down before heading to the door where Joe and Nicky were waiting. Once the door was open they all headed in to get the house in working order as soon as possible. 

Andy went to turn on the water and power while Nile, Nicky, and Joe all headed upstairs to get Booker settled. Joe carries Booker, taking care not to bash his long limbs into the narrow walls. Nicky fell behind with the med pack, keeping the fluid running into Booker’s frail body. Nile followed behind, knowing they would probably need a hand setting up the bed.

Once they reached a room cluttered with books (Nile had learned that generally meant it was used as a library or Booker’s room depending on the location) with a large bed in the middle, Joe settled Booker in a chair so he and Nile could make the bed with sheets stored in an air tight container. 

With that done they transported Booker from the chair to the bed. Nicky checked the IV to ensure it didn’t get jostled in transport. 

A moment later Andy returned with a bowl of water and fresh towels. “Copley will have the equipment you requested delivered within the hour. I figured in the meantime we could clean him off.” 

Joe nodded and got to work cleaning Booker off while Nicky assisted in maneuvering the Frenchman’s long limbs.

Nile couldn’t help but feel like this, whatever it was, could have been prevented. “Are we keeping him?” 

Joe and Nicky paused in their work for a moment before continuing silently. Nile knee well enough by now they were deferring to Andy. “Yes. It seems you were right in this case, Booker does not so well alone.” She said with a sigh. “I’ll wait downstairs.”

Nile didn’t really know what to do but with Nicky and Joe moving to clean Booker’s lower body she decided to check out the rest of the house. 

It was homier than other safe houses. It was a clear sign that Nicky and Joe used it as a love nest. There were touches of the two of them everywhere. Joe’s sketches were hanging up as well as the ugly crocheted blankets Andy told her Nicky made for each home in the later 1800s.

Soon enough it seemed like things were picking up once more when Andy came up the stairs with a package of medical supplies. Nicky took the package from Andy and began threading the NG tube into Booker’s nose. 

Nile noticed they didn’t have any machines to verify positioning the way they always did on hospital dramas but it probably didn’t matter when the patient was immortal. Still, Nicky seemed after a moment to find himself satisfied with the placement and began hooking up the nutrient rich mixture that was delivered with it.

With that completed they all curled up in the room to wait. They were all eager to see Booker return to them and eager to get answers. 

After two hours Booker looked significantly better. Nicky had checked him over and the bed sores had healed. Already he didn’t look nearly as pallid and he looked like he gained a bit of weight. He was still far too thin but his immortal healing seemed to be working overtime to help him recover. 

After about four hours Booker began to stir as Nicky checked him over replaced the nutrients hooked up to Booker. 

“Good morning.” Nile chimed. Booker glanced around the room his eyes looking less glassy than they had in the back of the van. 

“Morning.” He replied his throat sounding dry and sore, which made sense given the tube. “A little early to be meeting like this, not that I’m not grateful.” He tried his best to smile but none of them seemed to believe it.

Nicky placed a kiss to Booker’s temple and sat next to him in the bed. “We were concerned for you. I don’t like seeing you like this, Sebastien.” 

Booker seemed to nod before laying his head on Nicky’s shoulder, still exhausted. “Sorry, Nicky. It was not my intention to scare you. I’m a bit surprised you came to be honest.”

Joe pulled a chair over and kissed Booker’s hand. “Book, my brother. We will always come for you. We were angry, disappointed, and we needed some time but we would never abandon you.”

Booker looked like he wanted to cry but the tears didn’t flow easily. Nile wondered if perhaps his body was using all the fluid to heal, leaving none for the emotional family reunion.

“Sebastien, can you tell me something before you rest once more.” Andy said, sternly. You could see on her face she was struggling to contain her emotions however. 

Booker looked over to her. He seemed to know what she wanted. “I just... I didn’t have the energy. I only planned to miss a day or two but time slipped away from me. By the time I had the emotional energy to move, I was too weak physically to move. I figured I’d just wait until I died so I could make it to the kitchen using the surge of energy from the revival.”

Andy looked over Booker and Nile saw emotion in Andy’s eyes she hadn’t seen before something more than concern or pity. Just a sense of all consuming relief and fear that couldn’t be explained in words. “Oh Book, why didn’t you call or at least answer Copley during check-in. We would have come.” 

Booker looked somewhat surprised, and perhaps a bit ashamed. “I had no reason to believe that, Andy. I was told one hundred years. Besides my phone was out of reach. I didn’t even realize I missed check-in until I woke up in Joe’s arms.” Booker started down at his hands taking note of how thin they were.

Nicky leaned over and placed another kiss on Booker’s forehead allowing the taller man to settle deeper into the crook of his neck. “You are family, Sebastien. We were disappointed that you felt you couldn’t trust us, that you didn’t consider how your actions would hurt us, but we never meant to make you feel abandoned.” 

Joe followed Nicky as he always did. “I think, we owe you an apology. Nile has asked so many questions in this past eleven months that I think we realized we took your silence for granted. We never spoke enough for you to understand how much we treasured you. I may not know the depth of sorrow that comes with losing the person I love most in this world but you are important too. We love you Book and we don’t want to lose you.”

Booker closed his eyes and curled into Nicky’s neck. He seemed overwhelmed by the heartfelt emotion coming from the team. Nile hesitated. She wasn’t sure what her role here was. She had fought for Booker but she barely knew him. Still, her mother always told her to lead with her heart so that’s what she had to do. “I’m glad you’re here Booker. You had me scared shitless that I would be spending eternity with the only three people who don’t know how to use the internet.”

Booker smiled at that though he tried to cover it up. “They are hopeless aren’t they.”

Nicky chuckled. “Well this hopeless man just saved you from another few days minimum of death and miserable recovery when you attempted to go straight to liquor and solid foods.”

Booker’s smile dropped a bit. “You’re right. Thank you Nicoló.” He said in a somewhat somber tone.

Andy decided to use that moment to cut the tension. “All right, Book, you probably need some more rest. I think Joe’s planning on making you soup for dinner assuming Dr. Nicky says you can move up to mushy vegetables. In the meantime, I’m going to speak to Copley about finding a therapist, maybe not someone we share our secrets with, but someone we can talk about our loss with. Nile seems to think it will help and if it helps us avoid a repeat of this, I’m all for it.” 

They all looked somewhat stunned but Andy’s tone offered no room for debate. She headed for the door and before leaving turned back to Booker. “I’m glad you’re home Book. I hope you know you can talk to us.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. I imagine Booker is well enough to walk by the morning as his body continues to heal quickly now that it has the nutrients he needs. I think Joe and Nicky keep him on a liquid diet for a few meals before slowly plying him with more and more food. Andy refuses to go to the liquor store and Nile is his ally and cheerleader as he starts therapy. With time he gets in a better headspace though he’ll always have some bad days. Luckily the team will be there for him.


End file.
